Life Update

Here we are in August. Truly, time really does go by faster the older you get. I joke, but honestly, I feel like I should start thinking about Christmas gifts now before it sneaks up on me! 😂

I can’t believe it’s been two months since our sweet Vidalia passed away. Shish and I both miss her so much. I posted about it on Patreon, but I thought I’d mention it here. At the beginning of July, I called the vet specialist where Vidalia had passed because we still hadn’t heard about the test results for FIP they had sent to Auburn University. The blood sample was lost. Auburn never received it, so we will never know if FIP is what truly killed her or if it was something else. Infuriated is an understatement after I got off the phone with them. I had hoped to at least get that closure, but that has been denied for us. I will never take another cat back to that ‘specialist’ again.

I apologize if I have taken longer to write back to some of you. I have been struggling to keep in touch via email with some of my own family members, so I promise it’s not just me disappearing from the fetish community. I have been on autopilot this summer, and my interest in everything has just vanished. That is slowly resolving, and I am working my way back into doing more and being productive again. I will get there. I am striving to make August a better month for myself – at least with the things within my control. I worry a lot about the other cats’ well-being. I worry about my well-being. I don’t exactly take care of myself. My 6-month general checkup last month went well for the most part. Turns out, I had a sinus infection even though I wasn’t miserably congested. Antibiotics took care of it then, but I think it’s back now, so I am waiting to make an appointment with an ENT doctor to figure out why they are recurring. There was one other concerning issue from last month that will require more tests. I did get tested for several autoimmune diseases, and thank goodness those all came back negative! Another test next month, and I will post about that situation when it’s complete.

I need to shift my priorities for August and focus on ME. Otherwise, I might not make it to 50. I am so embarrassed about how out of shape I am right now. I think I walked 30 minutes 4-5 times last month. Excuses. Usually it’s “I don’t feel good.” And it’s usually true, but that’s a catch 22. I will feel better once I start doing. Some days I struggle with thoughts of everything just being so pointless, and why even bother doing anything. But I don’t dare give up. Hormones are a bitch right now, and life has thrown me a LOT of curveballs lately, but I. WILL. BE. OKAY.

I also need to spend more time doing stuff for Fanta Productions. I know I’ve mentioned that in the past, but I have finally fixed Fanta’s website with the inability to post new content due to an issue. I just get so sidetracked so often. ZERO focus. Or there are other life distractions that interfere. I am planning to spend the rest of the day starting on a game plan to get my shit together. Seriously, it’s time to make some life changes. I keep telling myself it’s not that hard; I have had loads of determination and willpower in the past, so it can be done. I just need to push through the overwhelming feeling that I don’t do ANYTHING in life really well anymore and that it’s just pointless anyway. (cue mid-life crisis I suppose…) Absolutely nothing good will come from that mindset. I know that much. Knowing is half the battle, right?!

To those who have been patient with me and shown such touching compassion during this time for me, you have NO idea how much that means to me – and I won’t forget that.

In other news, I finally broke down and got another steroid shot in each wrist earlier this week, for my carpal tunnel. I got one at the end of February, and the effects lasted 2 months before the tingling started again. The doctor told me back then that I could get one every 3 months if I needed. It finally got to where I couldn’t do much of anything without my hands falling asleep, so I got the shots to help again. There is still a little tingling in my left hand at times (it’s the worst since I’m left-handed), but I am hoping in another couple days that will be gone – for a while anyway.

The steroid shot also helped with the lower back pain I’ve been having! There have been days where my body makes me feel like I’m 80 years old. Stiff from driving more than 15 minutes at a time. Trouble getting off the floor if I lay down to stretch. SUPER tight lower back causing me to hunch over and walk the first minute I get up before I can straighten up and walk normal. I assume it’s from my weight and the fact that I don’t exercise, so my core muscles are weak. I actually ordered some CBD oil online to see if this would help some and took my first capsule last night (just 25mg). Let me tell you. CBD oil is not for me. It has caused some mild GI issues and weird head feelings, and that is a VERY LOW dose. I am still dealing with some side affects today, so another reason for me to just rest and work on a life game plan today.

I hope to post updates to this blog that are encouraging and not just “things suck right now.” Maybe blogging about my ‘get back into the life game’ will encourage ME to do what I need to do. I haven’t decided if I want to do video blogs or just posts like this. I’d love to hear what you think about all of this!